I started this blog a while ago as a place to vent about cancer, but I stopped because I didn’t want to join the cacophony of voices of patients and “survivors” with pink blogs. But here I am, needing to talk about it. I don’t know if anyone will read this, but I want to lay down some facts about my cancer.
1. My cancer is triple-negative, meaning simply that it isn’t positive-anything. There are no targeted therapies, only general chemotherapy.
2. My cancer is very aggressive (another aspect of being triple-negative.)
3. My cancer is terminal.
I’m saying these things from the get go because I feel bad when kind, loving people try to encourage me by telling me I’ll “beat this” or will “get through treatment and be healthy again,” because I either have to just smile and nod, or remind them that the best I’ll likely ever get is NED (no evidence of disease) and then only for so long. Eventually this will kill me. So either I lie, or burst their balloon. I’m tired of making other people feel better about my cancer, but I don’t want to be the voice of doom either. Just a cloud of death floating through the halls of the university where I work.
And Pinktober is coming.